its the holidays now..
there's really nothing much to do
eeek
im so bored
woke up at 9ish...
then went for a walk with my dad and came back round 11
decided not to do maths and am now procrastinating...
i think i will go eat...


latest exam results

english: 97%
maths: 100% (I BEAT THE MIKEY CHAN!)
methods: 92%
science: 97%
LOTE: 91%

a bit disappointed about LOTE...pretty pysched about the rest...
mum owes me money for the A+s!!


long time since I blogged...
lots of things have been on my mind lately...
it just seems like...the walls of my world is slowly collasping into me..
my heart feels so heavy all the time...except when im with my friends..
that's when all my problem mysteriouly disappears.
But when there's no distractions, the minute I stop surronding myself with fun and joy, the reality sinks in that my life kind of sucks at the moment...
its hard to breathe cause i feel this heaviness in me.
i cant explain why i feel like this.
everything has just suddenly gone downhill for me
relationships with a close friend has disintegrated into dust,
feelings of being suspected and paranoid is driving me up the wall...
and it doesnt help that someone's coming back in bout...10 days??
i don't need the extra pressure and stress...
im looking forward to him coming back, don't get me wrong, but i just don't want things to be the way it's always been...and i can bet it is...

sometimes i find it hard to breathe or fall asleep..
it just seems everytime i take a time-out, all i see is the mistakes ive made, how disappointed my parents are that Im not a particular someone (some of you would know who i'm talking about), how much im screwing up in pretty much every aspect of my life.
I mean, I'm a good kid...i don't break the law...i get good grades in school...
but
i think about who i am now...and who i was before...
have i changed that much?
is that why the friendship has dissolved?
and then i think...should i go back to who i was before??
maybe that might get me back that friendship..
and then i think..do i really want that friendship back??
and then i think again..who was i before??
i cant remember who i used to be anymore..

who am i now...
am i good or bad?
i find myself making new friends, but are they really friends who have a good influence on me?
i find myself drifting a little from my old friends...so i try to cling on and hold on tight to that part of my old life...its those friends that have stuck with me for years..
i find myself making jokes that are
and then there are my twin, jie and kor/gor...they truly are the best...don't know what i would do without them...they've stuck with me through my transformation and never cease to make me laugh/smile/support me...

sometimes i feel like God is disappointed with me for changing...
that He doesn't love the new me...
if that friend doesn't love the new me...and she is so 'on track' with God...why would He love me?
it's getting hard to convince myself that God still loves me..the new me...

its going to be a very long holiday for me...
who the hell have I become?


been studying like crazy its so not funny...
i feel like a nerd..MUST STUDY
haha
methods tomorrow o.o
die
its like the only one im afraid of...
once that's over and done with..I'LL BE FREEEEE
i just hope I can remember all that i learnt...which is quite impossible as i still don't quite get the concept of counting methods, logarithms, discrete probability, intergration and circular functions...
which is pretty much the entire unit..ah die
God, need help here...
please send angels to burn the exams....
amen :)


ew ew ew ew ew
english exam today
didnt manage to totally finish it on time..
HOW DO PEOPLE FINISH SO QUICKLY!?!??!
i completely screwed up the last bit...damnn

first LG...
didnt do much,,
watched Mean Girls :)
ate food...
funfun times


exams are coming up...
english this friday.
arghh
studying for methods is going to drive me insane...
tip for everyone..
methods suck
dont take it!
i cant study for english..
how does anyone do that???
im too lazy to do any practice essays...
im just gonna wing it!
weeee
gotta go back to my studying..
...
..
...
..
...


been studying a lot lately..
especially methods
i need the most help on methods
i think i can study for a whole month and still suck at methods..sigh

exams are coming up soon
its kinda scary
so soon...less than a week
but once we're done with those..its holidays...andrew's coming home...then year 11..
omgg year 11..
where did the years go?
how the heck did it fly by so quickly?
last time i checked, i was still in year 7...and now im so close to the finishing line
i dont really wanna go..i dont wanna face the responsibility of being a uni student...
its comfortable where i am....